I got to know a young woman in a German conversation group that I used to run, a German woman who had moved to the United States with her German husband. I asked her “Why don’t you bring your husband by sometime? We could always use more native Germans here.” She tilted her head around and said, “Because this group is really my me time.”

There are a lot of memes and posts going around Facebook and Twitter during this Coronavirus crisis about how introverts and people with anxiety and others with mild to severe mental complications are rejoicing at the prospect of being told to stay home. It wouldn’t even be fair to say the whole meme is “going viral”.

The key idea here is that social isolation is the Holy Grail of those struggling with depression, anxiety, introversion, and with other mental health issues.

An example of the Yay! Quarantine meme

My struggle is that I am recovering alcoholic and drug addict. That’s no secret. I’ve even written a book about addiction. One of the ways I deal with my addictive personality is by attending Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

I am not as hardcore a twelve stepper as some people. (I’ve also written about that as well!) While I have worked the steps and practiced the traditions, I do not attend meetings as often as others, many of whom have struggles with addiction that are currently more intense than my own. Or they have used twelve step as a way of bringing structure into their lives, something that’s very important for someone who has formerly lived a life of chaos. Social distancing and the decline of participation at these meetings has impacted my life. I have not gone to a meeting in weeks, and I am feeling a loss of that sense of community, but it is far worse for others. I have been clean for a long time and have developed more than a few coping mechanisms over the years. Others are not so lucky. They have just recently gotten clean and are still detoxing, or they are struggling with relapses, or they have other acute mental health issues in addition to their proclivity for substance abuse. No doubt many keep going to meetings despite the social isolation warnings and restrictions. But others who stay away will undoubtedly have a harder time dealing with the isolation.

Equating mental health with isolation is a very dubious premise in many cases, and people need to stop reveling in the idea. Therapy groups, therapist sessions, and formal face-to-face psychiatric care will take a big hit. I know incest and sexual assault survivors who attend survivor meetings. And let’s not forget the attendees of anger and abuse management groups. I know a man who attended a black men’s group once a week, a meeting in which he found he could express himself in a way he could not do so under other circumstances. While he was not attending those meetings because of any pointed or acute mental health issue, it was an important part of his life and routine, and a big contributor to his mental sense of well-being.

And then there are the not so pointed groups and meetings that help people cope with life, like my friend who came to my German group as a form of me time: Writing groups, knitting circles, coffee klatches, going to the mall to meet people for breakfast, weekly poker games, and people who just hang around the same bar every other night and know everyone. These all seem like specious examples of mental health support, but the routine and camaraderie of events like these can have a huge impact on mental well being and health.

Keep it mind when you’re posting or reading those salutacious introvert memes and how all of those “crazy” people are rejoicing in social isolation. For many, there is no rejoicing. Isolation is not an ally for too many people.