The Reluctant Twelve Stepper - An Excerpt from my novel Blood, Skin, and Ink

This is an excerpt from my novel Blood, Skin, and Ink.

Blood, Skin, and Ink is the story of a woman who’s been to Hell and back so many times she’s lost count. A sex worker, a teenage runaway running from the law, a wild rock and roll musician, and a barroom brawler. Miranda is a six foot tall Devil Girl, trying to find her salvation by trying to turn her back on her wild life of booze, drugs, sex, and chaos.

Miranda Scholl is a major supporting character in my last two published works: A long Slow Aftermath and The Rise and Fall of Skye Wright. I developed her as a character and made her a love interest in the first book, and then as a dangerous recovering addict and musician in my last work. As I kept writing her, her backstory kept getting more and more complex, to the point where it began to mushroom on its own. It is time for her to get her own story.

Click on the image for the Kindle version!

The Narcotics Anonymous meeting that took place at the Gilman music club was popular with many down-in-the-dirt clubbers, punks, heavy metal headbangers, and people whose lifestyles revolved around that kind of music and club cultures.
She came with Preston, fully expecting to run into Lee. Miranda, along with all the other veterans of the Bay Area punk scene, remembered Lee from the old days when she was an out-of-control disaster area who went by the moniker Scather.
Miranda tried to let that inspire her. Not too long ago even the most hardcore punks steered clear of Scather when she turned herself loose with her personal brand of drug and alcohol induced mayhem, moshing like someone with a death wish, starting fist fights in clubs, bars, and sometimes on the street. She generally made herself a dangerous club hurricane who was routinely wrestled out of venues by security guards. There were also hushed rumors of those young men who became the targets of her violent lust, supposedly leaving a wake of traumatized lovers in her wake. Scather’s infamy in the punk scene during her wild clubbing days was much more pointed than the average purveyor of rock and roll mania. Her rep stood out among all of the others.
Now she was Lee, Lee being her real name, a fact that was lost on almost everyone from the punk scene. Clean and sober, a dedicated twelve stepper, a workout nerd, and hard working employee at a local warehouse, she was the polar opposite of her former Scather apparition.
Miranda wondered if Lee remembered her from those days.
As they walked into Gilman, Miranda could always tell who the new people were. A few newcomers turned and gawked at her.
She looked to the Gilman Club stage, which was always the back of the meeting, as the speakers and secretaries always sat near the sound booth which made it the front of the meeting. Preston always acquiesced to Miranda’s seating decisions. As she started for the stage, the thin and sinewy Lee walked up to Miranda and looked at her through her dyed black spider bangs.
“Hello Miranda.”
“What’s up Lee?” asked Miranda as she attempted to rein in her suspicions.
Lee put a hand on her arm. “”I was wondering if you and Preston could sit next to me?”
Miranda straightened her back. “I was actually thinking about sitting on the stage.”
Lee leaned towards Miranda. “I want to try and get Preston closer to the meeting. I want to try and get him to share.”
“Sure.”
Miranda reluctantly followed Lee. Lee chose a seat just a few rows from the front.
Preston came out of the snack room with coffees for himself and Miranda.
“We’re sitting here now?” asked Preston as he sat down next to Miranda.
“It’s not good to always be wallflowers,” said Lee. She looked right at Preston. “And you need to share tonight.”
Preston looked confused for a moment. “I’m not sure I have anything to share.”
“Just give an update.” Lee leaned into Miranda. “You should share too.”
Miranda shot a surprised look at Lee. Her mouth fell open. “But… you’re not my sponsor.”
“Close enough!” said Lee with an insidious smile.
Miranda held in a seethe. She wondered why Lee was being so bold, leaning into her and giving her crazy looks. Lee, of all people, knew about her rep.
Then Miranda reminded herself what an aggressive mess Lee used to be back in her clubbing days. Abject fear was not a part of Lee.
The meeting started off with readings and then the speaker gave her talk. Miranda was impressed with the tall woman with long purple hair as she told her story, talking about her runaway days on the street, doing what she had to do to survive. Miranda told herself she would try and catch the speaker after the meeting, introduce herself and try to bond with another woman of significant height and a fellow former teenage runaway, even though she was not quite as tall as herself.
After the speaker was done the meeting opened up for general sharing. Lee raised her hand.
“I’m grateful for another day clean,” started Lee, “and I’m here with one of my sponsees and a few friends who are also working to stay clean.”
Lee gave a general update about her life and talked about what step she was working on. It was a very Lee-like share, thought Miranda.
Lee finished up. “That’s my update. Thanks for letting me share. And my friend Miranda is next!”
Miranda’s heart skipped a beat as she shot Lee a look.
Everyone in the meeting turned and looked at Miranda.
Miranda held in a small jolt of anger as she shifted around in her seat.
“My name’s Miranda, and I’m an addict.”
Miranda held in a flinch as everyone said “Hi Miranda,” in unison.
Her mind raced as she tried to think of something to say. “I’m kind of new to the program. I have about five months clean…”
She was interrupted by quick applause.
“I’m doing all right. I’ve got a decent apartment, I work mostly from home. I have a decent job that pays the bills, and I’m working with my boyfriend who’s also in the program. I…”
Miranda stumbled with her words. She was frantically trying to organize her thoughts at the same time she was resisting the urge to throw a punch at Lee.
“My story is a long and scary one, and for the first time in more than a decade I’m being forced to face it sober. A lot… well, it’s kind of ridiculous to say a lot has happened to me. I’ve been… I have to face all these thoughts, all of those memories without getting doused.” Miranda stopped and looked around the room. “It’s like, there’s no defense anymore. The memories and thoughts just keep coming, and there’s nothing to brace yourself against them.” Miranda stopped again. She looked around the room. She saw a few people whispering to each other and a few others looking at their smartphones.
Miranda changed gears. She talked about her job and their dog Joey, and made some general comments about what steps she had been working on. She was careful not to say anything too personal, feeling as if she had already revealed too much.
“Anyway, that’s all I have,” said Miranda as she closed out her share.
A few people politely applauded as Miranda tried to make sense of what she had just said. She looked down at her hands as her face grew hot.
“Pick someone,” said the secretary.
Miranda looked up. She had forgotten that it was a tag meeting. She pointed at someone who had their hand up and lowered her head again.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

     “You workin’ with a sponsor?” asked the purple hair who had been the meeting’s main speaker.
     “Yeah. She’s not local anymore, so I should probably find a new sponsor who’s closer to home.”
     Purple hair nodded. “That’s a good idea. You still doin’ step work with her?”
     “I work with my boyfriend and his sponsor right now. She’s sorta becoming like my sponsor.”
     “You work your program with your boyfriend?”
     Miranda nodded. She did a quick look around the room to see who was nearby. “We help each other out. I tell him about what’s going on with me, what I’m dealing with.”
     “Really?” asked purple hair as her eyes widened with interest.
     “I talk things out with him, and he listens.”
     Purple crossed her arms. “And how’s that working out for you?”
     Miranda shrugged. “I’m not the easiest person in the world to get along with. Seriously, I don’t know why he puts up with me sometimes. But his listening really helps.”
     “You’re boyfriend’s also in his first year?”
     “Yeah.”
     “Were you guys going out when you got clean?”
     Miranda shook her head. “Naw. We ran into each other after we had both been clean for a few months. Believe it or not, we met at a little library.”
     Purple hair narrowed her eyes. “You really shouldn’t get in a relationship in your first year clean.”
     Miranda had heard that from a few people. She did not care what anyone thought of her relationship, or if it was an unwritten rule that everyone supposedly had to adhere to.
     “Excuse me,” said Miranda, “I need to go talk to someone.”
     Miranda turned and spotted Lee in the milling crowd. She walked up to her.
     “You put me on the spot,” said Miranda.
     “Yep!” replied Lee.
     “I didn’t even know what I was talking about,” said Miranda with a strained voice. “I just blurted out some bullshit.”
     Lee lowered her coffee cup. “It didn’t sound like bullshit to me.”
     “Fuck,” said Miranda under her breath.
     “You should get used to sharing. Try and get out of yourself, especially at meetings.”
     “Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s just, I never know what the hell to say.”
     Lee shrugged. “You said some important things.”
     “But I didn’t say them very well. I didn’t know how to really say it until I had already said it.”
     Lee pointed at Miranda. “Then your share worked. Try saying it again at another meeting.”
     Miranda narrowed her eyes at Lee. “You’re not even my sponsor. You’re my boyfriend’s sponsor.”
     “I’ve never even met your sponsor. Where is she?”
     Miranda tilted her head and looked away. “She’s not in the Bay Area anymore. We just keep in touch.”
     Lee’s eyes looked around the room, observing the milling and chatting members of the meeting. “You should really talk to some other people, get some phone numbers.”
     “There you go again, acting like my sponsor.”
     Lee leaned towards Miranda and looked at her with wide eyes. “And why do you think I’m doing that?”
     Miranda felt a sudden rush of calm. Her whirling thoughts and tight shoulders relaxed for a moment.
     That there was someone else in the program that was trying to help her, that someone was looking out for her in a new world of sobriety and doing her best to help her sort things out was a comforting feeling.
     And she hated it.