The other day, going into a drug store, I found someone’s credit card on the ground. I picked it up and pocketed it. Once I was home, I called the customer service line for the issuing bank.

“Good afternoon my name is _____. May I have your account number?”
“I don’t have one. I’m calling because I found one of your customer’s credit cards on the ground.”
“Hold on please.”

On hold for about a minute or two. The same person gets back on the line.

“How may I help you?”
“I found a credit card on the ground in front of a Walgreens. I wanted to report it.”
“I see. And can I have the last four digits of the social security number?”
“What?”
“The last four digits of the social for the the card.”
“I don’t know that. I don’t even know the person who this card belongs to. I just wanted to report it missing.”
“I see. Hold on.”

They don’t put me on hold. I can still hear customer service clutter in the background for about a minute.

“So you have a credit card?”
“I don’t. Someone else does. I found one of you cusomer’s credit cards on the ground.”
“Okay. In that case the customer will have reported it missing and they will be issued a new one.”
“What?”
“The customer will be receiving a new card.”
“But, how do you know that if you don’t look them up?”
“The customer has reported it missing and will be receiving a new card.”
“But I haven’t even told you this person’s name or credit card number. How do you know they’ve reported it missing if you haven’t even looked them up? They may not even know the card is missing!”
“Everything will be fine.”
“Don’t you think you should look this person’s record up?”
“Okay. I need the last four digits of the social security number.”
“But… Never mind. Forget it.”
“Is there anything else I can do for you?”
“Nope. And believe me, if I ever do get another credit card, it won’t be from your bank!”