{"id":1388,"date":"2020-11-15T09:32:28","date_gmt":"2020-11-15T17:32:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/needlepictures.com\/tbd\/?p=1388"},"modified":"2020-11-16T08:08:40","modified_gmt":"2020-11-16T16:08:40","slug":"a-visit-an-excerpt-from-my-novel-crash-shadow","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/needlepictures.com\/tbd\/2020\/11\/15\/a-visit-an-excerpt-from-my-novel-crash-shadow\/","title":{"rendered":"A Visit – An Excerpt from my novel Crash Shadow"},"content":{"rendered":"

An excerpt from my novel Crash Shadow: A Tale of Two Addicts<\/a>, available on Amazon.com.<\/p>\n

Yuri, a junky who is new to Twelve Step, gets a visit from his new Narcotics Anonymous friend Zata at his place of work, a dark and dank warehouse in Oakland’s industrial section.<\/em><\/p>\n

     He wasn\u2019t sure why he had done it. It was a spontaneous act. He would not be able to tell anyone why if they had asked.
\n     He had invited Zata to visit him at work.
\n      It occurred to him that he had no idea what his boss would think if she came by when he had a friend visiting. The guarded thought only occurred to him shortly before Zata was supposed to arrive. It was an instinctive kind of caution. There was no reason why he should be worried about his boss catching him with a visiting friend. There was never anything in his outlined work duties that forbid him from having a friend stop by. Even so, he was still concerned.
\n     He had asked her to come by the warehouse just after his shift was ending, just after five in the afternoon. He was sitting by the shipping desk near the warehouse doors. He did not want to miss her because he was lost somewhere deep in the dark maze of the warehouse.
\n      The knock came, just a few minutes after five. The sound had surprised Yuri. He was not used to people being so punctual.
\n      Opening one of the large wooden doors, the sound of heavy rain was pouring through the opening. He was surprised. He had not heard anything at all with the doors shut.
\n    Zata was standing tall and straight, underneath a large black umbrella, holding onto a brown grocery bag.
\n      \u201cI wasn\u2019t sure if this was your work or not,\u201d said Zata. \u201cThis place really is out of the way.\u201d
\n     \u201cCome on in.\u201d He closed the door behind her. \u201cSorry it\u2019s raining so bad.\u201d
\n      \u201cIt\u2019s not your fault it\u2019s raining.\u201d
\n      He locked the door shut as Zata set aside the umbrella. She looked around the dark warehouse.
\n      \u201cWow, you work here all day?\u201d
\n      \u201cYup.\u201d
\n      \u201cHow far back does it go?\u201d She craned her neck, trying to see down a shadowy corridor.
\n      \u201cAll the way to the end of the building.\u201d
\n     \u201cYou mean it goes all the way to the other side of the block?\u201d
\n     \u201cYeah.\u201d
\n     \u201cCool!\u201d
\n     He was surprised again. It was the first time he had ever heard Zata use an exclamation. \u201cI can give you a tour if you like. I don\u2019t know how interesting it will be.\u201d
\n     \u201cWhat\u2019s back there?\u201d she asked as she continued stretching her neck around and standing on her toes.
\n     \u201cAll kinds a\u2019 junk. It\u2019s supposed to be just books and records, but they dump all kindsa\u2019 stuff in here. I always gotta\u2019 figure out where to put it.\u201d
\n     Turning around, she went over to the shipping desk. She took a couple of fancy brown bottles out of the bag. They appeared to be beer bottles.
\n     \u201cI brought us ginger beer and some sushi.\u201d
\n     \u201cOkay.\u201d
\n     \u201cDon\u2019t worry, this stuff ain\u2019t alcoholic.\u201d
\n     \u201cI didn\u2019t think you would bring\u2026\u201d
\n     \u201cWhat\u2019s back there?\u201d she interrupted as she peered down another aisle.
\n     \u201cDid you want to have some sushi?\u201d
\n     She started walking down one of the aisles, bobbing her head and widening her eyes.
\n     \u201cWait,\u201d cautioned Yuri. \u201cI better go down there first. There\u2019s a lotta\u2019 junk down there.\u201d
\n     Dashing ahead of her, he had never seen her so animated before. As he walked in front of her he kept looking around, checking out the various knick-knacks and details. There were still some boxes on the floor that he had not yet been organized, and he was concerned that she might trip over one of them.
\n     That is when he noticed a box full of doll clothing, sitting next to a shelf full of cassette tapes. He had forgotten about the box amidst the rest of his work.
\n     Stopping and turning around, he had lost her. She was a half aisle length behind him, looking over a box of records.
\n     \u201cWhat is this stuff?\u201d she asked.
\n     \u201cInventory. Backlogged stuff and stuff they can\u2019t sell. Some of it\u2019s just here temporarily until they can make room for it at the stores, but most of it\u2019s here to stay.\u201d
\n     She took a record down from the shelf. \u201cWould they miss any of this stuff?\u201d
\n     \u201cProbably not.\u201d
\n     She put the record back. \u201cSorry. That\u2019s my old addict talking. I\u2019m not really going to take anything.\u201d
\n     \u201cYeah, I know.\u201d
\n     \u201cYou should be more suspicious,\u201d she replied with rolling eyes.
\n     \u201cFuck it. I know you ain\u2019t no fuckin\u2019 burnout.\u201d
\n     She walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. \u201cI am a burnout, an old burnout who\u2019s not burning out anymore, but that doesn\u2019t mean you should still trust me.\u201d
\n     \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d
\n     \u201cNever trust drug addicts. Not even the sober ones.\u201d
\n     \u201cNot even you?\u201d
\n     \u201cEspecially not me,\u201d she replied with a wink.
\n     She continued looking around the records and cassettes. She kept asking him all kinds of questions about the obscure and eclectic collection of LPs. Yuri could not answer most of her questions, but she kept asking anyway.
\n     Moving further into the warehouse, she found a break in the shelves, a small section filled with boxes of random items that was right under an old and bright metal lamp.
\n     \u201cLet\u2019s have our sushi here.\u201d
\n     \u201cSure.\u201d
\n     She dashed back to the shipping desk and quickly came back with her grocery bag. She opened her ginger beer and set the sushi down on a wooden crate. \u201cWhat is all of this junk for?\u201d she asked as she was picking through a group of old kitchen appliances.
\n     \u201cBeats me. I don\u2019t think it has anything to do with the stores though. She jus\u2019 puts all of her junk in here.\u201d
\n     \u201cShe does?\u201d
\n     \u201cMy boss. The lady that owns the book stores.\u201d
\n     \u201cDamn, there\u2019s a milkshake machine in here!\u201d
\n     \u201cWhat?\u201d
\n     \u201cAn industrial milkshake machine. It\u2019s the kind a restaurant would use.\u201d
\n     \u201cYeah?\u201d
\n     \u201cDidn\u2019t you notice it before?\u201d
\n     \u201cNot really. I just dump this stuff in here.\u201d
\n     \u201cLook at this.\u201d Reaching into a box, she pulled out an old and rusted handgun. \u201cDamn dude! You\u2019ve got firearms in here.\u201d
\n     \u201cI don\u2019t think it\u2019s real. I think it\u2019s just a toy.\u201d
\n     She took the clip out of the gun.
\n     \u201cIt\u2019s real.\u201d She examined the clip. \u201cIt still has bullets in it.\u201d
\n     \u201cHolly shit!\u201d he gasped as she handed him the clip.
\n     \u201cYep.\u201d
\n      \u201cI thought it was just some rusted out old toy.\u201d
\n      He could see a the rust-covered bullet on the top of the clip. He carefully handed it back to Zata.
\n      \u201cDon\u2019t put it back in,\u201d he said.
\n      \u201cI won\u2019t, though I doubt this thing still works.\u201d She checked the gun chamber and carefully put the gun down on the crate. \u201cMan, I can\u2019t believe you have all this cool stuff in here and never told me about it!\u201d
\n      \u201cI never really thought about this stuff before.\u201d
\n     She handed him a ginger beer. \u201cYou like sushi?\u201d
\n     \u201cOh yeah. I hardly ever have any though. I can\u2019t really afford it.\u201d
\n     \u201cWell, you have to spoil yourself once in a while.\u201d
\n     She was eyeing the milkshake machine.
\n      \u201cHey Zata, when you said not to trust addicts, not even the sober ones…\u201d
\n      She turned and fixed her eyes on him. \u201cYes?\u201d
\n     \u201cI don\u2019t get it.\u201d
\n     \u201cWhat?\u201d
\n      \u201cAren\u2019t you one a\u2019 them?\u201d
\n      \u201cOne of what?\u201d
\n      \u201cOne of those twelve steppers.\u201d
\n      She took a sip of her ginger beer. \u201cThat depends on who you ask.\u201d
\n      \u201cOh yeah?\u201d
\n     \u201cIf you asked Sue she would tell you I\u2019m in the program, only she would say it in a way like she wasn\u2019t sure, like, she was almost apologizing for having said it.\u201d
\n      \u201cHm.\u201d
\n     \u201cYou know what I mean?\u201d
\n      \u201cYeah, I can imagine her doing that, even though it\u2019s kinda weird to think about it.\u201d
\n      \u201cIs it?\u201d she asked as she leaned forward.
\n     \u201cIt\u2019s just that, when I knew her back at Hell Nose House, she was totally, and I mean totally different.\u201d
\n     \u201cNo kidding?\u201d
\n     \u201cShe was always skulking and scowling. She always tried to avoid people, except for her friend Skye.\u201d
\n      \u201cIsn\u2019t that your old girlfriend?\u201d
\n      \u201cYeah.\u201d
\n      \u201cThe one you never told me about?\u201d
\n      He shrugged. \u201cThere\u2019s not much to talk about.\u201d
\n     \u201cOh. Bad subject?\u201d
\n     \u201cNo! No of course not. She was pretty cool, it\u2019s jus\u2019 that we never really ever got that serious.\u201d He started looking through the wooden crates and boxes, wondering if there were any more weapons in them.
\n     \u201cAnd now Sue is totally different,\u201d said Zata. \u201cNow she\u2019s quite positive and happy.\u201d Her voice almost sounded sarcastic.
\n     \u201cWell, I don\u2019t know if I would go that far. Maybe she\u2019s happier compared to what she used to be like.\u201d
\n      \u201cSure. I know the type.\u201d
\n      \u201cThe type?\u201d
\n      \u201cYeah. The cynical drug abuser turned chirpy NA member. They\u2019re all over the place. What do you think Holt used to be like before he came here?\u201d
\n      \u201cYou knew Holt when he was using?\u201d
\n      \u201cYeah, I did know him back then. And he knew me too.\u201d
\n      \u201cUh huh.\u201d
\n     \u201cNot like that. We we\u2019re just friends.\u201d
\n     He clasped his hands. \u201cI kinda noticed something the other day, when you came by the Wall of Berlin.\u201d
\n     \u201cYeah?\u201d
\n     \u201cIt seemed, like Holt was kinda\u2026\u201d
\n     \u201cMe and Holt don\u2019t get along.\u201d
\n     \u201cI kinda figured.\u201d
\n     \u201cLet\u2019s just say we don\u2019t agree on a few things.\u201d
\n     \u201cHm.\u201d
\n     \u201cI don\u2019t get along with the program fascists.\u201d
\n     Yuri straightened his back. \u201cWhat do you mean by fascists?\u201d
\n     \u201cYou know, those regulars who are always asking you the same questions over and over again? You know who I\u2019m talking about.\u201d
\n     \u201cWell, I know a lot of people were talkin\u2019 to me when I first got there.\u201d
\n      \u201cBut they were always saying the same things, right?\u201d
\n      \u201cSure.\u201d
\n      \u201cAnd what do they always talk about? What are they always asking you?\u201d
\n      \u201cWell, the program.\u201d
\n      \u201cAnd do you know why?\u201d
\n     Yuri had been looking at the floor. Now he was looking at a the bright light overhead.
\n     \u201cThey want me to stay clean, right?\u201d
\n     \u201cNot exactly.\u201d
\n     Dropping his eyes, Yuri was looking Zata right in the face.
\n      \u201cI don\u2019t understand,\u201d said Yuri.
\n     \u201cThey want you in the program.\u201d
\n     \u201cRight.\u201d
\n     \u201cAnd that\u2019s it.\u201d
\n     \u201cSo I can stay clean.\u201d
\n     \u201cNo.\u201d
\n     Yuri\u2019s eyes were wandering again.
\n     \u201cI still don\u2019t get it,\u201d he confessed.
\n      \u201cAll they care about is getting you into the program. It\u2019s not about sobriety. It\u2019s about the steps, the traditions, doing a ninety in ninety and having a sponsor. They don\u2019t care if you stay clean or not.\u201d
\n     \u201cBut that\u2019s the whole point, isn\u2019t it?\u201d
\n     Zata was looking right at Yuri. \u201cDo you know what you have to do to stay clean?\u201d
\n     \u201cFollow the program?\u201d
\n     \u201cWell, the program may or may not keep you clean. You have to find that out for yourself, but ultimately you need to do what you have to do to keep yourself clean and sober. That might be the program and it might not. They want you to have a sponsor, and follow the steps, and do a ninety in ninety, but the thing is you can be relapsing over and over again, still taking drugs, and they’ll still accept you, as long as you stay in the program.\u201d
\n      \u201cOkay.\u201d
\n      \u201cAnd let\u2019s say you stay clean and sober, that you work on your own stuff, but you aren\u2019t in the program. You aren\u2019t following the steps, and you don\u2019t have a sponsor, you know, all of that stuff. They simply wouldn\u2019t care that you were clean. They would shun you, because you weren\u2019t in the program. The whole point of being clean and sober is lost for them. All they care about is the program.\u201d
\n      \u201cBut that\u2019s what the program\u2019s about. It\u2019s about staying clean and sober.\u201d
\n      \u201cThat\u2019s why it was started, but no one seems to remember that. They keep talking about being clean, but it\u2019s the program that their worried about. That\u2019s it.\u201d
\n      Yuri leaned forward. \u201cWhy are you saying all this? What makes you think they would shun you if you dropped out of the program?\u201d
\n      \u201cNot just if you drop out of the program. They\u2019ll also shun you if you don\u2019t follow the program the way they want you to.\u201d
\n     \u201cWell, I mean\u2026\u201d
\n     Zata leaned closer to Yuri. \u201cTell me, what happened when you quit drinking, when you went full on clean and sober.\u201d
\n     \u201cLike, you mean going to the meetings?\u201d
\n     \u201cDidn\u2019t you suddenly lose a bunch of friends? Do you remember you told me how you used to hang out with some guy Dex, and some girl named Sweepy or Swishy or something weird like that?\u201d
\n     \u201cYeah.\u201d
\n      \u201cAnd what happened when you went totally clean?\u201d
\n      \u201cI didn\u2019t really see any of them after that.\u201d
\n      \u201cYeah. That\u2019s what all these twelve steppers will do to you if you didn\u2019t stick with their program, and that\u2019s regardless of whether you stay clean or not. You have to find your own program, what works for you, not what these guys tell you to do.\u201d
\n      Zata became quiet. Yuri tried to digest what Zata had just told him.<\/p>\n

https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Crash-Shadow-Tale-Two-Addicts-ebook\/dp\/B07114VSRQ\/<\/a><\/p>\n

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An excerpt from my novel Crash Shadow: A Tale of Two Addicts, available on Amazon.com. Yuri, a junky who is new to Twelve Step, gets a visit from his new Narcotics Anonymous friend Zata at his place of work, a dark and dank warehouse in Oakland’s industrial section.      He wasn\u2019t sure why he had …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1388","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nA Visit - An Excerpt from my novel Crash Shadow - Terminal Berkeley Denizen<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/needlepictures.com\/tbd\/2020\/11\/15\/a-visit-an-excerpt-from-my-novel-crash-shadow\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A Visit - An Excerpt from my novel Crash Shadow - Terminal Berkeley Denizen\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"An excerpt from my novel Crash Shadow: A Tale of Two Addicts, available on Amazon.com. 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