As a recovering addict I belong to a few Narcotics Anonymous groups on various social media platforms. In one online forum, a man who was still relatively new to Narcotics Anonymous posted that he had been clean and sober for a few months.

A few people congratulated him on his clean time, but more than a few started giving him a hard time for having used the phrase “clean and sober”. It started off with a few comments telling him he could only say “clean” and leave out the “and sober” part. A few more people chimed in with the same sentiment. “Clean and sober” was not the way to say it. You had to say you were “clean”. More than a few NAers were adamant on that point.

Which seems rather picayune and quite reactive.

I would go back to the post to double check exactly what the original poster and the commenters had said, but I can no longer do that. The poster of that declaration deleted the post shortly after he had made it.

If you are unfamiliar with the machinations of Narcotics Anonymous you may be wondering why people got on someone’s case about saying “clean and sober” as opposed to just saying “clean”. Narcotics Anonymous started as a twelve step program for people who were struggling with substance abuse issues other than just alcohol. Alcoholics Anonymous is the original twelve step program, and NA is its younger sibling. Even though Alcoholics Anonymous is more well known, NA has grown into a widespread and popular recovery program with large fellowships in almost every major city around the world.

To distinguish itself from Alcoholics Anonymous, and also to point out the general nature of substance abuse, NA literature states that alcohol is a drug, and that for the purposes of recovery we cannot distinguish alcohol as separate from other recreational drugs, which is a good point. The idea that liquor is a recreational drug is a strange sentiment to most people, even to many in recovery, since liquor is such a socially acceptable substance. Indeed, most of my friends who have relapsed, who fell off the wagon and went back to using drugs, got back into using because they started up again with alcohol.

Adhering to that distinction, which is an important one, many NA members have begun a stubborn and unbending rally against the word “sober”. This is a trend in Narcotics Anonymous despite the word sober having varied definitions. It is frequently used in reference to alcohol, but it has also been used to refer to abstinence and recovery from other recreational drugs. It is frequently used as a synonym for the oft used NA phrase “clean”. Sober can also mean somber, subdued, temperate, reserved, or serious. Many members of Narcotics Anonymous have steadfastly decided that sober is a word that can only be associated with alcohol and nothing else, even though it is a far more dynamic word that can only lend itself to that strict definition by only the narrowest of parameters.

(And using the word “clean” can lend itself to a lot of etymological matters and varied interpretations, especially in regards to religious and puritanical connotations, but that’s a semantic can of worms most NA people decide to ignore.)

Why have so many members of NA latched on to this word sober and have basically declared it heresy to use? I believe there are two reasons: To distinguish themselves and Narcotics Anonymous as a whole from the older twelve step sibling Alcoholics Anonymous, and also because many members, and I’ve written about this before, tend to get really focused on the machinations of the NA program. Steps, traditions, sponsorship, and sponsees are the many details outlined in Narcotics Anonymous literature as a program for getting away from and keeping oneself away from active substance abuse. But despite NA’s stance as a suggested program, many members revere the finer details of NA’s program as it has been outlined in its literature, sometimes to the point where the aim and goal of the program is virtually lost: To stop using. The program, and only the program, becomes the most important thing. Sobriety itself takes a back seat.

It has gotten to the point where some NA members have openly stated that they do not care about hurting anyone’s feelings when it comes to enforcing that semantic rule. We don’t? Is that really the attitude of a comrade in recovery? NA literature states “No one is forced to do or say anything.” Sure. But woe to the NA member who says “clean and sober”.

I agree that distinguishing alcohol as a recreational drug is important to recovery. Too many times I’ve encountered addicts who don’t want to include alcohol on that list of forbidden substances, and I’ve even run into other people who believe marijuana shouldn’t be on that list of verboten drugs in twelve step. These people always preface there views with “It’s strange that caffeine and nicotine aren’t considered drugs in NA.” Which is just splitting hairs to qualify destructive behaviors. If you want to take the argument far enough, you could begin to claim that donuts should be considered narcotics as well, and that bear claw you just ate means you’ve relapsed.

Splitting hairs and using creative loopholes is the strategy of people who want to use again. But splitting hairs in recovery by getting bent out of shape and even qualifying anti-social and intimidating behavior over semantics? That is not recovery. That is getting bogged down in a doctrine while forgetting the aim: Getting off of and staying off of drugs and supporting each other in our efforts to do so. Whether someone wants to declare themselves clean or clean and sober should be irrelevant.

Because we are here to not disregard anyone’s feelings or shrug off how it might affect someone if that person is faced down, dressed down, and torn down because they said the “wrong word”. That’s why there’s no crosstalk. That’s why there’s no judgment. That’s why NA is a suggested program, not one that is forced onto someone or makes demands on an individual who is trying to find their personal path to recovery. That’s why you, me, and anyone else who wants to get clean and/or clean and sober can walk into any Narcotics Anonymous meeting and say whatever they want without getting dogpiled over a pinpoint case of semantics.

I realize that this entire article pointing out this behavior may seem picayune and obsessive by itself. Why am I getting bent out of shape about quibbles over semantics? I am doing this because it has gotten out of hand, and I want to stand up for the NA members who have been shamed and shouted down over this issue. It’s time to put things into perspective and stop a consistent wave of intimidating behavior in an organization that is supposed to provide mutual support.

Because if you browbeat someone who announced his clean time in an online forum to the point where he got so uncomfortable that he deleted his post just because you didn’t like the phrase he used, you’re not practicing recovery. You’re just being a bully.